youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
