Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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