WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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