How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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