the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
