Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
a search helicopter?!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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