4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
