Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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