i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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