If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
