what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
