I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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