She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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