I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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