Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I am puke
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
