once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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