So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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