that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
