the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
