I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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