I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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