I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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