Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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