I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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