when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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