Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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