The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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