New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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