she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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