Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize