sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
