You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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