it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
