Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
