nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
