Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize