Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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