I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
