I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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