just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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