dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
