Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
