Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
