Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
