i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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