Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
