I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
