Define "chronic" masturbator.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
