you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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