you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
