There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize