conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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