Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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