Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
