if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
