So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
