I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
