soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
