just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
