so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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