We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
