I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize