It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
