she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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