I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
50% drunk capacity currently
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
