When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
