So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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