i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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