Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
