don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
