oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
