U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
