I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
