mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize