I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
