I think my vagina is haunted
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
