I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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