If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
