Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
