Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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