3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
