I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
