Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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