im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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