we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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