Apparently you make a good broom.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
