Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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