Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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