So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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