i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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