Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
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