I love black thongs
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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