no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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