If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You're like the curious george of whores
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
