you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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