Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
