I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
