made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
