You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
