i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
